Skyscrapers and Stargazers
by angel-death-dealer
Summary: Meredith sitting in the bar, waiting to see if Derek will turn up. Now a WIP, they have a lot to go through, but they will always get through it together....right?
1. Say That You Love Me

**Here's another greys fic from me. It's merder, but I'm not sure whether it's a one-shot or a work in progress. I have a storyline that could follow from this, and I'm curious about using it, but I'm not sure whether to start that on a new one and have this as a one-shot. What do you think? Please review and let me know whether to carry it on or not. It's set at the end of the episode where Derek's making the choice whether to sign the papers, and Meredith's waiting in Joe's for him. That's all I've seen up to, but I am aware of what happens in later episodes.**

_Pick me. Choose me. Love me._

Her own words echoed in her mind. Part of her scolded herself for sounding so desperate, so vulnerable. She was a surgeon, she was supposed to be strong, ready for any challenge. She was Ellis Grey's daughter. She should be able to handle anything...'should' being the operative word.

The bell sounded, and her head whipped around to glance at the door, followed automatically by the same reaction from her companions.

It wasn't him.

Being her mother's daughter, she always felt that people had expectations of her. Dr Webber, especially. She was no stranger to the complex relationship that Ellis and Richard had. If things had gone differently, and Adele and Thatcher hadn't been part of the equation twenty-one years ago, Richard could have been her stepfather. Instead, he was her boss. He was Dr Webber, not Richard. It didn't matter what sort of relationship he had been involved in with her mother, he would always be 'Dr Webber' or 'Sir' to her.

Part of her hated that. She rarely admitted to needing a father, even when her mother was always working. She tried not to need anyone, but right now, she needed someone. She needed a father, or her lucid mother. She needed someone to tell her that things would be okay, and that she was going to get a happy ending.

She needed Derek, because he was the key to that ending.

Again, the bell sounded again. This time, her eyes clapped upon a young couple, laughing with each other as they escaped the wrath of the storm outside by venturing into the bar.

It wasn't him.

Every time it wasn't him, her heart sank deeper and deeper into the dark and twisty place she reserved for being mad at him. She didn't want to be mad at him though. It was ironic that at first, she wanted to hate him, and found herself unable to do so, and now, when all of her mind was forcing her last shred of hope to hold out, she wanted to march over to the hospital and drag him by the scrubs to the bar. Just so that he'd be there.

But he wasn't there.

What did that mean? Was he going to sign the papers? Wasn't he? Had he already? Hadn't he? Her question had no answer, but she sought to find out if there was one at the bottom of the glass. However, after getting through the shot of tequila, she found there was no answers hidden at the bottom, only a contorted view of the woodwork beneath it.

She knew that she shouldn't keep on doing shots. The last time she'd stayed there all night doing shots, she'd brought home a random guy. She didn't want that to happen again. She wouldn't mind taking Derek home with her, but he would never be that random guy again.

The bell sounded. This time, her head raised slowly, something that was noticed by the others once the realised that they'd had time to look up and then turn back again before she had even fully laid eyes on the door. They knew what was happening.

She was giving up.

_Look, I was married for 11 years. That's 11 Thanksgiving's, 11 birthdays, 11 Christmas's_

She wanted that, Meredith thought to herself. She'd never really placed herself as the girl who wanted to settle down. She wanted to be a surgeon, to save lives, to concentrate on others so that the disaster of her own life was just a blip on the radar, and nothing more. But now, having Derek in her life, even if he was part of the disaster, made her want it. She wanted to have the Thanksgiving's, and the birthdays, and the Christmas's, and all the other holidays. She wanted the everyday, without the sneaking around, without thinking that she was a dirty mistress.

She wanted him.

But as the bell sounded again, she knew that every second that was passing, lead her further into a future where that wasn't possible.

_In one day, I'm supposed to sign a piece of paper and end my family?_

She could see where he was coming from. She understood that ending his marriage was going to have an effect on him. Those things aren't easy. It wasn't going to be all peaches and cream as soon as the paper was signed, and he'd be back to smiling his McDreamy smile all the time. But yes, she realised that he was supposed to sign a piece of paper and end it.

Why?

Because he'd promised her. He'd said that he'd sign the papers, and she'd be on the first flight back to New York.

And she'd actually believed that it would be that easy.

_A person doesn't do that, not without a little hesitation._

Only she wasn't sure if she could deal with the hesitation. If he was hesitating, that meant that he wasn't sure that he was doing the right thing. It meant that a part of him still wanted to be with Addison over her, and that broke her heart. She had given Derek her whole heart, but he had only given her the part that wasn't devoted to his wife. The wife that he had neglected to tell her about.

_I'm entitled to a little certainty here._

A part of him still wanted to be married. Not just married in general. Married to her. Satan. The she-devil of salmon scrubs. The kind woman who was so impossible to hate and kept on appearing wherever was most inappropriate at the time.

She should have known that the one person she couldn't compete with in Derek's wife, was the person who had stood opposite him at the alter, and exchanged vows with. They'd been married, and they'd had a honeymoon, and in front of a crowd of people, they had declared their love for each other.

Meredith had been through enough trouble just saying it to him.

_I am entitled to at least one moment...of painful doubt, and a little understanding from you would be nice._

She did understand, though. Only too well. She understood why those eleven years meant so much. She understood that it was a big part of his life that they had spent together, and that removing that period in time so callously was hard for them both. She understood that even though she had cheated on him, a part of his heart still belonged to the red-head who had first taken it. She understood that it was hard for him to see her back in the hospital, so desperate to win back his affections. She understood why he was hesitating over the papers.

Because he was her wife. There would be a part of him that would always love her for that, because at one point in their lives, Addison would have picked him over all other men in the world.

She just didn't understand why he wasn't there right now, beside her.

_Your choice, it's simple. Her or me._

That was the simple part. Signing the papers might bring hesitation, and seeing both the women who held his heart in a tug-of-war grip might bring doubts, but the ultimate choice was as simple as could be. Addison, or Meredith. The wife, or the mistress. The neo-natal specialist, or the intern. The red head, or the blonde. The cheater, or the one who has a strange habit of mixing men with tequila shots.

However it was looked at, there was always a choice, and her and Addison were complete oppsites. That's why the bigger part of her was so sure that she was going to be sitting alone for the rest of the night.

_I love you._

Why had she told him that? How could that possibly make any influence in his decision. This was about his feelings, not hers. He now had to pick between two women, the same as before, but instead of easily picking between the woman who loved him, and the woman playing hard to get, Meredith had complicated things so that both the women loved him.

She just wasn't sure she would be able to put up the same fight that Addison was putting up.

_I'll be at Joe's tonight...so if you do decide...to sign the papers...meet me there._

So there she was. At Joe's. No Derek.

It was already nine pm, she realised, glancing up at the clock. She had been there since six. Three hours. Three hours, and he hadn't shown. What was he doing?

Was he picking Addison?

"Any minute now." Joe told her.

She looked up at him from where she had returned her glance to the strange distortion of the world through the bottom of her glass. She knew that he was trying to make her feel better, and she thanked him for that, but the little hope that had accompanied her into the bar three hours ago was only a tiny flicker of flame left now, threatening to go out any minute.

It was still two hours until closing time, but she wasn't sure that she could last that long. Slowly, she started to hear the voice in the back of her head. _He's not coming. _

Why had he lied to her? He'd told her that the papers would be signed, and that there would be no sneaking around. They could be a couple, a proper couple, like they'd been right up until the moment that the red haired woman had introduced herself as Addison Shephard.

She sighed heavily, one of the few noises that she had emitted other than asking Joe to top up her drink. He wasn't coming.

"He's not coming." She whispered aloud, hoping that the acceptance of this would make it easier some how, but it didn't. "He's not coming." She repeated, only so quietly that the other interns only saw her lips move.

"He'll be here, Mer." George told her, but his voice was quiet, and she didn't believe him.

George, Cristina and Izzie all turned their heads to the door, half expecting the door to open and Derek to enter, covered in rain. But he didn't.

Meredith asked Joe to fill her another shot, and he did so, casting a wary glance to the others, who made no attempt to stop her from drinking. A while ago they had suggested her sticking to soft drinks, so that she wouldn't be completely hammered when Derek turned up. This hadn't gone down well, but it had gone down quietly. However, if looks could kill, George would have been dead and buried in a second.

Then something happened, and everyone who had been waiting, not so patiently, for Derek to come and sweep her off her feet, knew exactly what had happened.

The bell on the door sounded.

Meredith didn't look up.

The last scrap of hope she was clinging too had gone.

She didn't even look like she had heard the door. She just circled her finger around the rim of her shot glass. She paid no attention to the three people who stared at her. She paid no attention to anything, except her glass. Her empty glass. There was no point in even drinking anymore, because there wasn't anything that could be done to help it. In the morning, she would end up on the bathroom floor, ranting about men and leaning over the toilet bowl occassionally when the tequila tried to resurface again.

Cristina, George and Izzie exchanged worried glances at each other when Meredith brought her hand up to support her head. At first, they thought they just imagined it, but there really were tears in her eyes. Meredith let out a choked sob, and hid her face against her arm, determined not to let them see her cry, but it was already too late for that.

Once she had started crying though, it was too hard to stop. The tears just kept coming, the same ones she had fought down all the while she was telling him that she loved him. She had opened her heart to him and he had said nothing. He hadn't returned the gesture. He hadn't made an immediate decison. He hadn't come after her, and he hadn't shown up at Joe's.

He really wasn't coming.

Her eyes stung when she tried to withold the tears, and the large lump that was blocking her throat caused her to let out more tears. She had completely embarrassed herself. This would be around the whole hospital in the morning, and she'd be the laughing stock of Seattle Grace. She'd be forever known at the dirty-mistress-slutty-intern Meredith who slept with her extremely handsome, charming, married boss. That would sure shoot the expectations people had of Ellis Grey's daughter.

At least she had a day off the next day.

The tears kept coming. She couldn't stop them. She didn't even try to. She felt alone, abandoned, and there was no one there. No arms came to embrace her, no comforting words were whispered in her ear. Nothing. No one. Alone.

But then, out of the midst of her breakdown, there was someone.

A pair of hands were present on her waist, slowly slinking around to her stomach. One trailed up and came to her shoulder, aiding her off the bar stool she hadn't moved from for three hours. She felt exhausted, and didn't try to fight whoever it was that was trying to stop her making even more of a fool of herself. Right now, someone could put her in a car going off a cliff, and she wouldn't even try to fight them.

Obediently, she followed where the hands were moving her, and when she was urged to sit down silently, she did so without an arguement. She was surprised to feel that rather than her body coming into contact with the padded seat of a chair, she was lowered into somebody's lap intead, and the hands that had guided her over embraced her, holding her tightly.

She knew those hands.

She knew the jacket that her face was pressed up against. She knew the smell of that aftershave. She knew the feeling of her hair brushing up against a small lining of stubble. She knew the sensation of the hands rubbing the top of her arms. She knew how it felt to be in those arms. She knew. She knew who it was.

"It's okay, Meri." She heard him whisper, and the stubble was removed from the top of her hair, replaced with a pair of loving lips instead. "It's okay, it's okay. Don't cry."

She balled a handful of the jacket up in her first, raising her head from his shoulder so that she could look into the eyes of the man who held her.

"Derek." She murmered. "You're here. What are you doing here?."

He nodded, brushing back her now wild hair behind her ears. "Everything you asked me to. I'm sorry I'm late." He said, giving her a weak smile, but one that melted her regardless.

"Where were you?" She asked him, sniffing as he wiped the underneath of her eyes with his thumb. "I've been here for hours, where were you?"

"At the airport." He told her honestly. She frowned. Was he going to return to New York? "I thought that the least I could do was see Addison off."

Her frown disappeared. "See her off?" She questioned.

Derek nodded. "The papers are signed. Addison's not my wife anymore. There are no rings," he held up his hand to show the lack of a gold band on his finger, "There are no obligations, no complications. Just me and you."

"Me and you." She repeated, nodding slowly.

"If you'll still have me." He smiled.

There it was. The McDreamy smile. There wasn't a doubt in her mind that she'd still have him, but the shock had rendered her speechless. It was starting to sink in. Derek was here. He had picked her. He had chosen her. He loved her.

She couldn't find any words to say what she felt, and simply returned to his embrace, pressing her face against his neck and breathing in the scent that was simply him.

"I love you." He murmered into her ear as he held her tightly. "I love you, and I'd be a fool to be with anyone else. I belong here, at your side, no one else's." He pulled away a little so that his lips could meet hers. "We're going to make it, Mer, you'll see. We're going to be fine."

Meredith nodded. "Can we go home now?" She asked him, and she saw the light in his eyes at the words 'we' and 'home'.

He nodded, and stood up, placing her back on her feet, but still keeping a hold of her. The moment they turned around, Cristina, George, Izzie and Joe simultaneously turned around, pretending that they hadn't been watching for the past several minutes. As Meredith collected her jacket, and her and Derek soundlessly left Joe's bar with each other, George sighed and turned to Izzie.

"Is it too late to buy her a padded headboard?"

**What did you think? Do you want more, or is this just a one-shot?**


	2. Right Track

Meredith was pleasantly surprised when, instead of being woken by the inceasant pestering of her alarm clock, she awoke slowly, at her own will. She didn't bother with raising her head to look at the clock, and she certainly gave no consideration to get out of bed. Today was her day off, and she had no intention of moving from bed until well after midday unless it was for food or the bathroom.

Blearily, she opened her eyes to glance towards the glowing numbers on the alarm clock. 5.19am. Why was it that when she was working, it was always a trail to get out of bed in the morning, but on her day off, she would wake when her alarm would usually go off, with no effort what so ever? Karma. Izzie used to say that when things went wrong because she was getting the benefits of Derek's 'favouring'. Karma. When she concentrated, she could hear the sound of padding feet on the hall outside, and rolled over to see that she had clearly left her bedroom door open when she crashed into bed last night.

Last night. Joe's. Derek. Divorce papers. Addison gone. Derek. Derek. Derek.

Where was he?

He had come home with her, she remembered. They had left the bar, and gone back to the house she shared with Izzie and George, pleased to leave them behind and have the house to themselves. Of course, they hadn't come home and made mad passionate love until the early hours of the morning. They'd simply talked, and then fallen asleep in each others arms around midnight. It was only when they'd woken again at 1am that they'd gotten to the 'mad passionate love' part.

She was facing the door now, which was slightly open. No, the bedroom door had definately been shut, because by the time they did get to a point where noise would be made, George and Izzie were back from Joe's and she couldn't bear another embarrassing round of complaints about her sex life with Derek. So, why was it open now?

Had he left? Oh, God. She hoped not. It made sense, though. The door had been closed, and now it was open. The covers on the bare side of the bed were thrown back from where they had been previously covering him. The sheet beneath was slightly rumpled, and it was obvious that there had been someone sleeping on it recently. Only, with the absence of Derek, that left a lot to be desired. _Oh, God. _She realised. _He really has left._

That must have been why she'd woken up. His leaving, or the opening of the bedroom door, must have been what caused her to wake up. She slept like a log, usually. She slept through the storms that plagued Seattle. She slept through her alarm unless is was lodged between the bedside table and her pillow. Of course, on nights when her pillow had been Derek's bare chest, he had woken to the alarm, and had woken her up.

Why wasn't he here?

Was it his padded footsteps she heard on the landing moments ago? They'd headed into the bathroom, but she'd heard them coming from along the hall, right? The bathroom was directly opposite her bedroom. It must have been George or Izzie...or Alex...or Olivia. She hadn't kept up with whoever they were dating, if anyone, at the time. She could barely keep a track on her own relationship.

Part of her wanted to wait it out, and check that it wasn't Izzie or George in the bathroom, but the other part of her wanted so much to go and find him. She had chased him enough though. After all, if she had been asleep, she wouldn't even know that he was gone. The stronger part of herself won out, and she got to her feet, pulling on some nearby sweatpants and her Dartmouth sweater.

That's when she'd heard the cars ignition starting up.

She went over to the window, and sure enough, the car that Derek and her had arrived home in the previous night was pulling away from the front of the house. Her eyebrows fell in disbelief, along with her jaw. It was definately him in the car. He was driving away. He was leaving.

What if he thought that last night had been a terrible mistake? Did he regret it? Had he lied to her about Addison? Worse, had he really not gone through with the divorce? Did he still love her, or did he love Addison? More than he said he loved her?

Her stomach lurched, and she headed into the bathroom, emptying the contents of her stomach into the toilet after moving a very disorientated George out of the way.

--------------------------

"Here."

Meredith looked up from where she had been staring into space at the table top. George had held her hair whilst she emptied her stomach of what could easily have been half of Joe's stock of tequila, and then had taken her down into the kitchen. He looked a lot more awake than she did now, in the shorts and t-shirt that sometimes made him seem like an innocent boy rather than the man that he was.

He handed her a glass of water to wash away the foul taste in her mouth, and she accepted it. "Thanks." She muttered, taking it from him and drinking from it, all the time, feeling his eyes upon her. He really was her guardian angel sometimes, bless him. Always there after the tequila had satisfied her for a while, but then abandoned her. Derek had been right, it wasn't nearly as much fun to wake up to; usually because it was trying to find a way to escape your body.

"Where's McDreamy?" He asked her carefully, fearing that she would start yelling and going on a rampage in which many doors were slammed and ornaments broken.

She shrugged.

"You lost him in that bedroom full of men?" He teased her, now satisfied that she was sleepy, and feeling rough, so no doors would be slammed, and all ornaments would remain in one piece.

She shook her head. "He's just...gone."

George realised that clearly Meredith wasn't just playing a kinky version of hide-and-seek with the doctor that kept her (and, unfortuantely, the rest of the house), up all night. "He's gone?" George repeated. "As in...gone, gone?"

"As in, I just saw him driving away from the house, gone." Meredith told him, putting the empty glass back down on the table.

"He left?"

Meredith nodded. "He left."

"Where did he go?"

Meredith rolled her eyes. "If I knew that, I might not be so angry right now."

George walked around the kitchen, throwing his hands up in the air dramatically as he paced up and down. "Who the hell does he think he is, walking back in here, whisking you off your feet and then walking out the door again? He's pathetic. He's more than pathetic. He's just..."

"Male." Meredith finished for him.

"That's right. Male. Where was I?" He asked, getting confused.

"'More than pathetic'." Meredith prompted.

"Right, thanks." He said, and continued his pacing. "I mean, honestly, he can't treat you like this, Meredith! Wherever he is, it had better be something seriously important, especially after what he was saying to you last night."

Meredith snorted quietly. "He's probably with his wife."

"No." George shook his head. "No, he wouldn't do that."

"Wouldn't he?" Meredith asked, signalling George to remember that Derek had withheld the existance of his wife from her in the first place.

"He has to be somewhere else..." He said, trailing off as he caught sight of the scrap of paper on the kitchen worktop, and picked it up.

"What are we going to do, look for him?" She half-laughed.

"Yeah." George said.

"I'm not going to look for him, George. He's the one that left, not me. I don't even know where he's gone!"

George indicated the scrap of paper in his hand. "This note here says that he's at work, do you think it might be a good place to start?"

-----------------------------

_My dearest Meredith.  
Sorry for leaving so early this morning. You might have the day off, but I've got an early surgery today. I was going to wake you up and say goodbye, but you've had some crazy days recently, and you deserve every second of your lie in. I'm in work all day, Burke needs some neuro consults after my surgery is finished. I'm glad he paged me, or I would have been asleep with you through half off the surgery. Try using the 'I was watching my girlfriend sleep' excuse with a five year old boy who needs life-saving surgery.  
I hope that you have a relaxing day. Hopefully you're not mad at me for leaving before you woke up. You probably wouldn't have let me leave otherwise. I'll see you when I get back, hopefully around 5ish. What do you think about dinner tonight? We'll go to that resturant in town, if they've got reservations. The really posh one...Labretta's. Ring them and book a table for us, your choice! If nowhere has a table left, we'll go to Joe's and have him do us some grilled cheese sandwiches.  
I love you. So much.  
Derek  
xxxxxxx  
_

-----------------------------------------

She felt rather stupid now, getting so worked up over what had simply been Derek leaving for work. Was she going to overreact like that every time he left the house? Dinner tonight sounded brilliant to her. She'd called and made arrangements for them to go to Labretta's for an Italian meal, with the table booked for 8, leaving plenty of time for Derek to come home and change into that red shirt that usually made them take advantage of each other.

Now, however, seeing as her and George had the day off together, they were heading off to do the weekly shop. It was George's turn, but seeing as they were going to be at the mall, she wanted to pick up a new dress for going out with Derek that night. Labretta's was very classy. She didn't want to lok scruffy amongst the other diners, and she knew that Derek would be looking as McDreamy as ever.

She felt slightly jealous of him in that way. First thing in the morning, with slightly tousled hair, sleep-filled eyes and, sometimes, even a slight line of drool in the corner of his mouth, he looked gorgeous. Making breakfast, in his underwear when they were alone, or in a robe or his regular clothes when George and Izzie were home, he looked handsome. When he was at work, in his navy scrubs and hair protected (something she knew he hated because it flattened his hair out), he looked so darn sexy. When he was in bed with her, letting her use him as a pillow, or, on better nights, looming above her in a compromising yet thoroughly enjoyable way, he looked irresistable. He never had to make an effort to be attractive.

She felt the opposite about herself. She knew that when she woke up in the morning, she would have to shower and brush her hair to look even vaugely presentable. Walking around in her robe blatently told her roomates that she had slept with someone the night before, or just made her look lazy and messy. Walking around in her underwear highly intensified the former option, and definately left the impression that Derek was tailing nearby, also in his underwear. This also sent roomates running up to their rooms, firmly shutting the doors, or running quickly out to work.

"So, where's McDreamy taking you tonight?" George asked over the sound of The Clash on the radio. Meredith smiled at the sound of their guitars, and George frowned slightly. Since when had Meredith been a Clash fan?

"Labretta's." She told him with a very smug grin on her face.

George made a mock-shocked 'o' shape with his mouth, taking his eyes off the temporarily empty road for just as second to glance at her, making her laugh. "He's so getting laid tonight." He muttered under his breath.

"What makes you say that?" Meredith asked him.

George shrugged. "It's Labretta's, Mer. Every guy who takes his girlfriend to that resturant is garanteed sex. It's like a get-out-of-jail-free card. You do something wrong, Labretta's. You need something done, Labretta's. You want sex that she's refusing, Labretta's. You want to propose, Labretta's." He realised what he had said, and quickly glanced at Meredith again. "He's totally going to propose to you."

Meredith laughed. "He's totally not."

"He's taking you to Labretta's."

"We only got together yesterday." Meredith pointed out to him. "He's not going to propose to me."

George nodded, accepting her denial, and still thinking that Derek was planning a proposal. After a few moments of silence, he spoke to Meredith again, not taking his eyes off the road this time.

"If he did, you know, propose..." He asked as casually as possible. "What would you say?"

Meredith thought about this for a moment, glad that George was concentrating on the road rather than watching the confused expression on her face. She loved Derek, but was she ready to completely settle down with him? Wasn't that what she wanted him to have with her rather than Addison? Maybe she wasn't cut out for settling down. Derek had been down that road before, he'd be good at it. She wouldn't.

She turned to answer George, but her answer was cut out when a mass of squealing breaks, a loud horn, and smashing metal cut her off.

And then, there was only darkness.


	3. Avoiding McDreamy

It had been a long morning for Miranda Bailey, and not in a good way. She liked having busy surgeries that dragged on so that she was away from the annoying patients that she preferred her interns to handle. However, with two interns off, and a lot of whiney, annoying patients, she was stuck with Cristina, Alex and Izzie for the day.

She was almost pleased when they had the emergency call of two ambulances coming in. Of course, they were closer to Mercy West at the time, but apparently the injured man who was conscious at the scene had requested Seattle Grace instead.

"Okay, what have we got?" Miranda asked as the ambulance arrived. Her interns all buzzed about as the paramedics unloaded two people, desperate to see whether they could grab the best surgery before any one else did.

The driver got out, and started to help them, calling to Miranda as he did so. "We've got a female, roughly thirty years old, possibly younger. Major lacerations on her legs from removing her from the car, and a suspected head injury. Right shoulder dislocated, but re-set on scene of the accident, and broken collarbone."

"Car accident?" Miranda questioned, seeing the amount of blood covering the woman.

"A truck was out of control, smashed right into the passenger side. She was in the passenger seat." The paramedic informed her.

She winced, and turned her attention to the second ambulance. "What have we got here?"

"One male, same age."

"He was the driver?" She questioned.

"You guessed it." The paramedic nodded.

"Damage?"

"Was conscious on the scene for a ten minutes, but was too disorientated to tell us anything, suspected concussion, fractured left wrist and laceration to head from hitting the side window. I think we got all the glass out, but you might want to check before sewing him up."

"Right okay." Miranda nodded, and turned to her interns. "Karev, Yang, you take the female, prep her for surgery, I want all the blood off her before we get a surgeon to take a look. I want a surgical consult from Shephard about head injuries. Stevens, you take the male. I want him cleaned up as well, and splint his arm before treating him for concussion."

But none of them moved.

Cristina didn't jump at the chance for a surgery, and Alex certainly didn't question her and argue about who was more involved in the surgery. Izzie didn't make a move towards the male, trying to avoid the arguing and the sound of Alex's voice in general. None of them moved. Not an inch. They just stared.

Miranda frowned, putting her hands on her hips and fixing them with a stare. "By all means, move as slowly as possible, you know how happy that makes me. I'm not going to repeat myself." She warned.

"Dr Bailey..." Izzie started, looking helplessly at the two patients. "Look at them."

Miranda glanced over shoulder, and then back at the still interns. "I'm looking at them. They're in need of medical attention. You are doctors. Use that connection and fix them up. Do I make myself clear?"

"Its O'Malley and Grey." Alex half-shouted at her, and she did a double take, finally recognising two of her interns underneath of all of the blood. "It's Meredith and George." He repeated, quieter this time.

She took a deep breath, running her hands over her face before getting full back into professional mode. "Right, don't tell Shephard." She decided. "Get someone else to do the neuro consult, but not him. McDreamy's gonna flip when he sees that Grey is here and it's not for work. We do everything we can without him knowing. Is. That. Clear?"

---------------------------------------------

Several hours later, Miranda Bailey approached the room where George was recovering. He was disorientated from his concussion, and had spent the past few hours counting the ceiling tiles. Only no one had bothered to point out to him that this part of the hospital didn't have ceiling tiles. Still, it was keeping him from complaining about anything, and that was good.

"O'Malley. How are you feeling?" She asked as she checked his chart.

He heard her voice, and rolled his head to her slowly. "Am I dead?" He asked, confused.

She raised an eyebrow at him. "Do I look like an angel to you?" She demanded, and that seemed to bring him back to himself.

"Meredith." He said.

"As much as I'd like to be a highly popular blonde, no, I'm your very busy, unhappy resident." She complained.

"No, Meredith. Is she okay?" George demanded, trying to sit up in bed a little.

"O'Malley, don't even bothing trying to get up, or I'm gonna have to sit on you." She warned him. "She's in surgery."

"Is it bad?" He asked desperately.

"Yeah, it's bad." She said softly.

George covered his hands with her face. "She's meant to be going out tonight." He said, almost to himself. "She was going to buy a dress for dinner."

"She's not going to be heading to any fancy resturants just yet, O'Malley." Miranda told him.

"No, you don't understand." George said, removing his hands from his face and looking at her insanely. "Derek was taking her to Labretta's. Labretta's. Thats a really important place. People only get taken there when they get proposed to and for anniversaries and stuff like that."

Miranda sighed, shaking her head. "There goes my plan of not telling him until tomorrow." She muttered under her breath before turning back to George. "If he comes by here, don't say a word to him."

"But-"

"Not a word, O'Malley." She warned him. "If I find out that you've told him, I'm letting Shephard to a lobotomy on you after a bottle of tequila."

----------------------------------------------

Cristina had just left the OR. Meredith was still inside, with Alex finishing up the final sutures on her arms from the glass of the window. She leaned against the wall, sighing heavily as she tried to compose herself. She hadn't been prepared for the sight of her best friend so messed up. She'd seen worse patients, and the sight of blood and people in pain usually thrilled her. However, this was Meredith. Her person. This was different.

"Bad surgery, Yang?"

The voice instantly put her on edge, and she jerked her eyes open to see Derek Shephard approaching her. Great, the one person that she wasn't supposed to see. If he saw inside the OR, he would freak, drop the pasta salad he was currently eating with a bemused grin on his face, and probably choke on the lettuce before being any help to Meredith.

"Dr Shephard!" She jumped, something very uncharacteristic for her. "What are you doing here?"

He gave her a very confused look, but it was the playful amusement that he usually held when Meredith was off on her 'bright and shiney' explanations. "Oh, I'm sorry." He laughed lightly. "I realise it must be a shock to see me here in this place I come to every day of my life." He laughed again, walking closer to her. "So, how come you're not leaning over someone's shoulder on the OR? Isn't that what you do best?"

"Just getting some air." She lied.

"Air's good. Keep breathing it in." He told her with a grin.

She looked at him suspiciously. "Why are you so happy?" She asked him. "You're always happy."

"I'm not an intern." He said, as if it were a perfectly reasonable excuse. "And I have the love of a very, very, extremely beautiful woman." He said, and that McDreamy smile fell across his lips.

Cristina rolled her eyes, needing someway to avoid that statement or she'd blurt about Meredith being on the other side of the door. "Okay, you're making me gag, buzz off." She said, brandishing him away with her hand.

Derek raised an eyebrow at her. "Is everyone in this hospital avoiding me?" He asked her. "No one wants to talk to me today."

Thats because your girlfriend is in critical condition, Cristina thought, but decided that it was more than her life was worth to tell him that. "Go talk to the nurses. You might get some marriage proposals out of some of them." Derek laughed. "Seriously, they have a fan club."

"Are you a member?"

"Definately not." Cristina said, trying any way to get rid of him.

"SHEPHARD!"

The voice of doom, belonging to Miranda Bailey as she stormed up the corridor, shocked them both, and Derek clearly jumped out of his skin. Bailey marched right up to Derek and stood between him and Cristina.

"Good morning, Miranda." He grinned at her. "Glad to see you're not avoiding me."

"McDreamy, stop grinning like a fool and leave my intern alone." She scolded him. "Don't you have any work to be doing?"

"I'm on my lunch hour." He said simply, taking another bite of his salad to prove thus.

"I don't care if it's happy hour." She told him, and turned to Cristina. "You almost done in there?"

"Alex is finishing the stitches." Cristina said simply.

"Good. Shephard get the hell out of here." Miranda said, realising that Derek hadn't moved.

"Is this 'I hate Derek' day?"

"No. It's 'get out of my face' day. Go." Derek didn't move, so she put her hands on her hips and stared at him. Within seconds, he was down the hall. Bailey grabbed a passing nurse, and whispered to her. "You know who the patient is in this OR?" The nurse nodded. "Not anymore you don't. I don't care what you do, or what lie you tell, don't let Dr Shephard hear a word about it. If you see him anywhere near this patient, I want you to send him to the other side of the hospital. Clear?"

The nurse nodded, and walked off, whilst Bailey turned back to Cristina.

"What's really going on in there?" Bailey asked.

"Alex is finishing the sutures. We've had no response from her as of yet."

"Brain activity?"

"Her brain is still functioning, but she hasn't regained consciousness." Cristina told her, trying to focus on Meredith as a patient, not a friend.

"What's your diagnosis?" Bailey tested.

"A coma."

"Good. And what are you going to do about that?" Bailey nodded.

"Take her up to ICU, moniter her vitals every half hour, keep her stabilised and hook her up to a liquid drip to keep her hydrated." Cristina said, shaking her head as she did so. "And hope she wakes up."

"That's right. She's your patient now, Yang. I want you to page me the minute theres any change, and I'll come in and check when I can. In the meantime, you stay with her, and keep an eye out for McDreamy, he's everywhere today."

Cristina nodded, and slipped back into the OR as Bailey went off in the same direction that Derek had done.


	4. Say It Isn't So

Cristina stayed at Meredith's side, as ordered, but there was no change. She had enough brain activity to avoid being declared brain dead, and yet she still wasn't waking up. Trauma. Cristina told herself. She's been through a trauma. Yesterday, she was operating, and now, she was recovering from surgery herself. It always seemed somewhat ironic when doctors ended up in their own rooms.

Derek had been caught on the ICU several times, enquiring about a neuro consult on the crash victim, and Cristina had drawn the blinds on Meredith's room so that he couldn't see in. He was sent away every time, and when he was chased away by Bailey again, he started to get rather suspicious.

He got even more suspicious, when he called Meredith, and her cell phone was out of service whilst her home phone was just playing the answer machine.

Going down to the nursing station, he saw Bailey looking over a folder. It was 3pm now. In a few hours, he should be going down to Labretta's, with Meredith, but something was telling him that he was going to be cancelling that plan.

He approached Bailey, and took the folder out of her hands.

"Give me that back." She demanded, but Derek held it out of her reach.

"Not until you tell me what's going on." He said to her.

She gave him a very unamused look. "You're not in junior high, McDreamy, now give me back the damn file."

Derek stood his ground, however, and matched her determination. "Don't lie to me, Miranda. Tell me."

"There's nothing to tell." She said simply, and took the folder from him easily. "Now, you do that again and I'll stick your head in a microwave." She went to walk away, but he called out to her before she reached the door.

"Everyone's avoiding me." He said to her, making her stop, but not turn around. She had stopped though, and that was enough incentive to make him carry on talking. "Everytime I get near the ICU a thousand excuses are made to get me out of there. I called Meredith, and there's no answer, and her cell is out of service. The phone hasn't been answered all day, and there's something in my head thats adding all this together and telling me that something isn't right. Now, are you going to tell me, or am I going to have to find out the hard way?"

Miranda stood motionless for a while, and then turned back to him. "Come with me." She said simply, and he followed her.

--------------------------------

Cristina had jumped slightly when the door opened, and instantly lept up from the chair she had been sitting in impatiently. She hadn't expected Bailey back again so soon, but there was still no chance in Meredith to be considered. Bailey's head came through a tiny gap in the door.

"Yang, you can go now." She instructed.

"What about watching-"

"She's still your patient. Go down to the pit, there's some sutures that need doing, but keep checking back here anyway."

Cristina nodded, and left the room, but soon passed the reason that Miranda was asking her to leave. He looked at her, confused, but Cristina avoided his eyes, heading for the elevator without looking back.

Miranda held the door open, and motioned for Derek to enter. He did so, but when he saw who was lying in the bed, he stopped walking, placed his hands over his face and exhaled loudly.

"Oh, God." He murmured into his hands, as breathing became difficult for him. He swallowed hard. "Oh, Jesus, no. No, no, no. Please, no."

Miranda stood by silently as Derek tried to compose himself. She closed the door behind him when he had entered but she had a feeling that no one would be coming in here anyway. They had all seen her lead Derek into the room when she had told them not to let him near.

"Oh, God, Meredith." He repeated, going over to the bedside and putting his hand on her cheek before turning back to Bailey. "What happened?" He asked her in a broken voice.

"Her and O'Malley were up on the freeway this morning. A truck driver lost control of the truck, and it slammed into the side of the car." Derek looked at her helplessly. "Her side."

He inhaled shakily, and collapsed into the chair beside the bed before his legs gave way beneath him. Meredith. Accident. Truck. Her side. Oh, god. He'd seen accidents like this before, and they had never turned out well.

"A truck?" He asked, tearing up as he said the word, and his voice coming out in a desperate cry. To Miranda, it sounded like he was a child who'd just lost his puppy, but instead, he was Derek, who was facing losing Meredith.

Miranda nodded. "Hit them pretty hard. It wasn't their fault. They were in the right lane, crossing no lines, breaking no tules, but the driver of the truck was drunk. O'Malley just got a concussion, he'll be released in the morning after a night of observation."

Derek nodded, glad that George was okay, but his worry for Meredith was too great for him to show that. He leaned forwards, taking deep breaths to try and calm himself down, but it wasn't working. He was still feeling his heart beating erratically in his chest, although he was so sure that at any moment, it was going to stop completely.

"Is she okay?" He asked her.

Miranda said nothing.

"IS SHE OKAY?" He repeated, louder this time.

"She's in ICU, what does that tell you?" Miranda said to him.

"Oh, God." He repeated again, sounding like he was about to cry at any moment. "She was in surgery with Cristina this morning...when I was outside...?"

Miranda nodded. "That's right."

"And you didn't tell me?!"

"You would have burst in there and overcomplicated an already dangerous surgery. That's why we got another attending to do the neuro consult." Miranda told him, and he believed her. He would have been at her side in a second.

"I had a right to know." He said, almost to himself.

"Well, now you know."

"Has she...has she wo...woken up, since the surgery?" He asked, stumbling over his words slightly, afraid of the answer.

"No." Miranda told him quietly. "She was unconscious on the scene of the accident by the time the paramedics arrived, and hasn't woken up since." Derek looked at Meredith desperately, as if, at that moment, she would choose to wake up just because he was there. "They declared her comatose after the surgery, and as you know, that's not good."

Derek looked up at her. "Not good? It's a whole lot better than dead!" He told her, before looking back at Meredith.

"The next twenty four hours are crucial." Miranda told him. "I'm not going to lie to you." Derek snapped his head up, and stared at the wall directly ahead of him for a moment before he turned his eyes up to Miranda. He knew what she was going to say, but was trying to find every other meaning in his mind, just so that he wouldn't have to hear those words.

"There's a high chance she won't make it through the night."

He choked on the air that he had been forcing himself to breathe, and let out a half-strangled sound. He didn't care that Miranda was still watching him, because it didn't matter. All that mattered was that Meredith was hurt, and if she didn't make it...

"She'll make it." He said firmly, gripping her hand tightly and bringing it up to his lips, where he kissed her knuckles. "She'll be okay. She'll make it." He held her hand tightly, hoping that feeling his touch would be enough to make her wake up.

Miranda stood by for a moment, until she realised that she had been there for ten minutes now, and Derek had made no move to leave the room. Although, someone could walk in and declare that he was needed for a surgery that would give him lots of publicity, and save a very valuable life, and he still wouldn't move from his spot at Meredith's side.

"Doctor Shephard..." She started, but he spoke without turning to her.

"Get the Chief to take me off the board." He said simply, his voice sounding empty and deprived of the spring it had held when Miranda forced him away from the OR earlier. "I'm staying here with her."

He didn't turn to see if Miranda had left, but he knew that she was gone when he heard the door open, and then shut behind her. He knew that Richard wouldn't be happy with him being taken off the board, but this was Meredith. She could die, and he didn't want to be anywhere than at her side.

"She'll be okay." He whispered again, bringing his forehead to rest on their clasped hands. "She just has to be."


	5. Be Prepared

Twenty-four hours is a long time to wait when the reason you're waiting is to see whether the woman you love is going to live through the night. The whole world seemed a lot darker, because he had never felt more alone in his life; not when he walked out after finding Addison with Mark, not even when he had first walked into Emerald City bar planning on drinking away the pain and picking up a random girl to forget his life.

Everyone had been into the room so far to see how Meredith was doing.

Izzie had come, tearing up when she saw Meredith, but still placing the flowers she had brought from the small grocery store down the street from the hospital on a break into a previously empty vase that Alex had followed her in with. Izzie was clearly trying not to cry, and had Derek been paying any attention to who was in the room with him, he might have seen the worried glances that Alex was aiming towards her, almost as if she could say the word, and he would jump to hold out his arms to her.

Cristina came the most, checking her stats and recording them down every hour, on the hour. Each time, the folder and professional duty of being in Meredith's room was the foremost thing she did. It wasn't because she was cold, as she heard some people say, but because it was Meredith in the bed, and it was Meredith that could die during the night. Acting like she was a regular patient took that foreboding sense of fear out of her mind for a moment. She didn't like to admit that she was scared, but she was. She was terrified for her friend.

Derek had stayed in the chair at her bedside, facing the blind-covered window that was still drawn shut. Still, even when people did look in to see how she was, he payed no attention to them. He couldn't give them an answer when they asked how she was, not when the only thing that made sense to him right now was not to leave her side.

The thought that she might not make it through the night scared him to no end. He couldn't get the idea out of his head, Miranda's words echoing into his mind every second that he sat there, and every enhanced thud of his heart, which seemed to feel so much stronger because of the worry, reminded him that at any moment, hers might stop.

He knew that he wasn't going to forget this feeling for the rest of his life. Without a doubt, he was in love with her. The moment that he had seen it was her in the bed, had been enough to send his head and his heart into some dark place, where he was helpless to do anything except wait for her eyes to open and bring him out of it. He didn't understand how this could have happened to her.

He hurt. His heart actually hurt. He always thought that the expression of feeling your heart breaking was just words to try and explain to somehow how it felt to lose someone. However, the person he faced losing wasn't even gone, and there was still a pain in his chest that begged for sedation against it. He knew that the only person who could take that pain away was possibly dying before his eyes.

He just couldn't stand the idea of her gone.

-------------------

Eight hours into the crucial twenty-four, Derek was joined in the room by Richard Webber, who came with a sombre expression to check on the woman who he considered to be a daughter to him. He came into the room, closing the door behind him, and noticing that Derek didn't even react to it as he sat, holding Meredith's hand up to his face and watching her intently.

He filled the vacant chair opposite Derek, as none of the other visitors that day had done, and put his hand over Meredith's other hand for a moment before withdrawing it, clasping his hands together on his lap.

"Derek." He said, and Derek blinked, not removing Meredith from his sight even though he was aware of Richard's presence directly opposite him. "Derek, look at me."

He raised his head, staring directly into the eyes of Richard Webber. The elder man had a stern look on his face, as if he was about to tell Derek off for something, but Derek had known Richard long enough to know that this look could mean anything.

"Derek, I take it Doctor Bailey explained to you the seriousness of Meredith's condition."

Derek nodded briefly, clasping Meredith's hand tightly within his own, yet setting it back on the bed locked in his palm, rather than holding it to his face as he had done for the past few hours. "Yeah, she did."

Richard leaned forwards, resting his elbows on his knees. "Then, you understand that she could give in to her injuries at any time."

"She's strong. She's not going to give up." Derek insisted, his voice sounding stronger than it had done in hours. The only time any emotion escaped from his lips was when he was trying to assure everyone else that she wasn't going to die.

"It's not about being a fighter at this stage, Derek. It's about how badly she's hurt."

Derek looked at him, shaking his head. "How can you say that? How can you say it's not about fighting?"

"It's simply the facts-"

"A premature newborn fights for its right to live, why can't Meredith?" He questioned.

"She can. I never said that she couldn't." Richard said, defending himself, yet still speaking softly because he could see how fragile Derek appeared to be. As a response, the head of Neurosurgery hung his head, fighting hard to keep from breaking down. "She's seriously hurt, Derek. She was on the table in a very fragile condition. I'm not trying to cause any unnecessary pain by telling you this, but she's hanging on by a thread here, and maybe you should consider what might happen if that thread breaks."

"Sometimes a thread is enough." He whispered to Meredith's unconscious form.

What if it wasn't enough? What if she really didn't make it through the night? He'd not given any thought to that, because whenever he strayed into that train of thought, he had felt his heart twisting inside of his chest. A thread was enough though. It had to be. When Addison had arrived, Meredith had spent the night holding on by a thread in Joe's bar, and it had been enough for her to stay there until he had arrived.

"A thread is enough." He said again, quieter this time.

Richard cast a glance towards the door, seeing where Miranda stood waiting. "Is there a problem, Doctor Bailey?" He asked.

She cast her gaze to Derek wearily. "Uh, we have a ...patient..." She started, jabbing her thumb towards the exit of the room. "I thought you should know."

"Know what?"

"I think it's best I tell you outside." She told him, and Richard, noticing how she uneasily looked at Derek whilst talking to him, followed the shorter resident out of the room.

"What seems to be the problem?" He asked.

Miranda made sure that there was no chance of Derek overhearing them, but realised after a moment that he was as aware of what was going on around him as Meredith was at the moment. "The driver's just been brought in." She told him. "The driver of the truck that hit Grey and O'Malley."

Richard nodded. "What state is he in?"

Miranda laughed ironically. "He's apparently fine. We've taken him for a CT and an MRI to check for internal bleeding, but he seems to be fully functioning apart from the alcoholism."

He frowned. "He was drunk?"

"Almost three times over the limit." Miranda revealed. "He's lucky he was driving straight for as long as he did." Richard sighed, and Miranda continued on. "I thought you ought to know, considering we're calling the cops because of the damage to Grey and O'Malley," She paused, looking over Richard's shoulder into the room where Derek was. "And I thought we might want to keep Shephard out of his way, because he will kill him, bare hands if needed."

Richard followed her gaze into the room where Derek was still gazing, heartbroken, at the woman he loved. He shook his head slowly. "It's okay, Miranda. I don't think we're going to get him to leave this room for a while."

------------------

Later, Miranda was checking on George. He insisted that he felt fine now, and that he could leave to see that Meredith was all right, but everytime his head rose from the pillow, he was hit with dizziness from his concussion. That left Miranda standing at his bedside arguing with her intern. Of course, until, Izzie showed up.

"Doctor Bailey-" She announced breathlessly, clearly she'd been running.

"What is it, Stevens?"

"Meredith. She's crashing."


	6. Not Strong Enough

Chapter 6:

Miranda rushed into Meredith's room, having ran and shouted at people to get out of her way for the entirety of their journey to the ICU. Izzie was still following, only a few steps behind. She had caught up even though she'd had to stay and made sure that George remained in his bed. The determined young intern had been hell bent on following them to Meredith's side, concussion or no concussion. Izzie had eventually made sure that he was guarded by three of the nurses to stop him from leaving.

There was chaos surrounding Meredith's room. Alex was outside with a nurse, both of them trying to restrain Derek, who was fighting tooth and nail to be let back into the room. However, his energy had left him since knowing how badly she was hurt, and he hadn't spent that much time the night before sleeping, so his fighting was, although coming straight from his heart, doing little to get him away from his restrainers. Inside, the code team were working hard to try and revive her, and all the time that the flatline and the frantic workings of the code team could be heard, Derek's determination to be at her side was rising, even though his physical strength was failing him.

Miranda went into the room, ignoring Derek's pleas to let him into the room, and looked what was going on. She grabbed Meredith's chart, as the code team managed to steady her heartbeat, and they all relaxed. The code team did what they needed to do, and then left, leaving Miranda and Izzie inside the room.

"It's her heart." Miranda said to herself, and then looked at Izzie. "Page Dr. Burke, and then make sure that Shephard stays the hell out of this room."

"I'm not going anywhere!" Derek said from just outside the door, having heard Miranda's instructions.

Miranda put on her best 'oh no you didn't' face, and went over to the door, standing with her hand on her hip as she faced the struggling attending. "You're here as a visitor, not as a doctor." She told him sternly. "Now, she needs medical attention, and you being in there will make it harder for that to happen." Miranda looked at Karev, who had loosened his hold on Derek slightly now that he wasn't fighting them so much anymore. "Karev, taking him down the hall, or something, Just...away from this room. Stevens, have you paged Dr. Burke?"

"He's on his way, Dr. Bailey."

"Good, go with these two, let this poor nurse get back to her work."

"Is Mer-"

"Now!"

Izzie followed Alex, and took Derek's other arm to guide him as the nurse released him. They walked him down the hall and turned a corner to where an abandoned guerney was lying empty. They sat him down, and immediately, he drew his legs up onto the guerney, propping his arms up on his knees as he held his head, trying to steady his own breathing. Alex and Izzie sat on either side of him, their eyes connecting over his head, and Alex gave Izzie a firm nod, assuring her that her fears for Meredith weren't necessary, and that she was going to be fine.

Silence surrounded the three, except for the sound of Derek's controlled breathing, which he was fighting hard to prevent from turning into sobs. He needed to be strong now. He had to be strong, because Meredith wasn't.

Izzie left, saying that they all needed coffee, and felt confident leaving Derek with Alex whilst she went around the corner to the coffee cart. Alex nodded, asking for an expresso rather than his usual latte and Derek said nothing, yet Izzie knew that she'd get him a triple expresso. It was what he usually asked for when he needed to be awake and hope was desperate. After Izzie had gone, Burke walked down from the opposite end of the corridor, passing Derek and Alex.

"What's going on?" He asked briskly, professional as always.

Derek shook his head, not looking up. "Mer...she...she..."

"Grey was crashing." Alex said, and Burke nodded.

Burke disappeared, going into Meredith's room, which Derek didn't look up to see. Alex was grateful for that. He didn't have to be reminded that he was the only one not allowed in that room. They were silent once again, their shoulders touching simply so that Derek would realise he wasn't alone.

When Burke appeared ten minutes later, Cristina was with him as well, as was Miranda. Alex hadn't been aware of Cristina passing them, and realised that Burke must had paged her. Two scrub nurses were there too, wheeling Meredith down the hall past them.

Derek looked up at the sound of the wheels, and tried to get off the guerney, but Alex gripped his arm, stopping him from doing it. "Where are you taking her?" He demanded.

Burke signalled for the others to continue, and stepped back so that he could talk to Derek. "I need to take her back into surgery." He explained.

Derek shook his head, his shining eyes full of hurt and coated with a layer of fresh tears. "No, not again." He begged.

"Excuse me?" Burke asked, concerned that he had heard Derek wanting Meredith not to have the surgery.

"She's no strong enough for the surgery!" Derek said, his voice breaking painfully.

Burke nodded slightly, knowing that Derek was right. Meredith's current status didn't fill him with hope for taking her into surgery, but it was the only way. "She'll die if we don't." He said, before walking away and leaving Derek to his worst fears.

Izzie came back, seeing Alex's sombre face as well. "What happened?" She asked.

Derek said nothing this time, and just stared at the place where Meredith's body had been taken past him. Alex sighed, rubbing his forehead as he spoke. "They've taken Grey back into surgery." He told Izzie.

"But, she's not-" Apparently, she was going to give the same reasoning Derek was, and the poor man didn't need to hear it again, so Alex interrupted her with Burke's words.

"She'll die if they don't."

Izzie took a deep breath, composing herself and remembering that as much as Meredith needed help, the only one they could help was Derek. Izzie sat down beside him, passing Alex's expresso over Derek's head before taking Derek's and handing it to him.

"Dr. Shephard?" She said softly, to get his attention. "I brought you some coffee."

Derek looked up at Izzie as if she was some kind of saviour in a moment of despair. "Thank you...Dr. Stevens..." He said quietly, as he took the coffee in his own hand.

"Izzie." She corrected, and he looked back at her. She put her hand on his shoulder. "You're in love with one of my best friends, you can call me Izzie." She said with a comforting smile.

"Izzie." He repeated, as if he were trying it out on his tongue. He nodded at her. "I guess you can call me Derek then." He concluded, trying to smile, yet it came out as more of a grimace. Izzie understood though, and nodded back at Derek.

She looked over his head at Alex. "Alex, you can go if you want." She told him. "I can take care of this."

Alex frowned at her. "Are you sure. I mean-"

"It's okay." She assured him. "Go and take your mind off of this. I can page you when she's out of surgery."

Alex thought about this for a moment, and then got off the guerney. "Just make sure you do." He mock warned her, before putting a hand on Derek's other shoulder. "Think happy thoughts, man." He told him, as if he wasn't his superior.

Izzie and Derek remained side by side. They were completely alone with their coffees, but neither of them said a word. They both found more comfort in the silence then they could have done with false assurances. They recognised that anyone who said it was going to be okay, was saying it out of duty, rather than certainty. Eventually, the coffee's ran empty, but neither moved to get a refill. Derek couldn't work his legs, and Izzie didn't want to leave Derek on his own.

Derek sighed, his hands coming up to cover his eyes, and he tried to rub the tiredness from them. It was nearly the middle of the night now, his watch told him, and still, the sleep he had evaded the night before was creeping over his mind. He couldn't sleep, not now. Not yet, anyway. He had to know that she was okay before he let sleep take him. It would take him to a place far away from these horrific circumstances, yet he knew it _would _be far, far away, and stil full of nightmares should he travel there before he knew that Meredith was alright. If he let himself surrender now, he'd be trapped in the awful place where dreams and reality collided, and part of him feared that by closing his eyes on her, he was giving up on her. If both of thier eyes were closed, they were ignoring the reality.

He could remember the harshness of her closed eyes from when he had been at her side hours before, and how they had deprived the stained white room of the shining blue eyes that radiated from her usually. You know how they say a woman can light up a room just by walking into it? With a smile, it's completely true. When Meredith was happy, there wasn't a person around her who couldn't help but smile. Well, except maybe Cristina, but that was because she was Cristina. Cristina could walk straight into her smile and tell her to shut her mouth because the shine off her teeth was blinding her. He was glad that Meredith wasn't as pessimistic as her friend. True, she didn't have a lot to he exstatic about in her life, but when she did find a reason to be happy, she embraced it. Especially when it was something that stuck around for her.

Like him.

He'd dedicated his life to her last night, when he'd told her that he loved her, and when he'd put his soon to be ex-wife on the plane back to New York, and gone to the bar where Meredith waited for him. He was late, true enough, but it was better late than never, right? He knew it had been cruel to keep her waiting, even though he knew that she would have waited, but he still had no idea what he would have done if she'd left Joe's before he had arrived. Could he have gone to her house before she'd fallen asleep? Stood outside her front door, demanding her roomates to let her see him? What would he have said to her, without making her think that his lateness meant he had chosen Addison over her? Were there even words in existance which could have assured her to that effect? Could it have prevented what was happening now?

He should have been there right away.

He shouldn't had left to be earlier for the surgery than he needed to be. If he hadn't, then maybe Meredith wouldn't have rushed out with George to do the shopping when she did. All it would have taken was a few more seconds, seconds that could have been fained when he had left, explaining to her that he was leaving, rather than the pair wasting time over his note. A few seconds before, and they wouldn't have been hit by that truck, and Meredith wouldn't be lying on the operating table underneath death's wing.

It was taunting him, teasing him like a cruel child with candy, beside one without the treat. If it had been anyone else, a patient whom he'd never met before, he'd understand that the circumstance was unfair, considering the driver was drunk, but this wasn't an ordinary patient. This was Meredith. His Meredith. The woman that he loved. The woman that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.

At this moment, Miranda's words started to sink into him.

_The next twenty-four hours are crucial. I'm not going to lie to you._

_There's a high chance she won't make it through the night._

He really might not see her wake up. Twenty-four hours, that's what they'd given her. Usually, the crucial timing was seventy-two hours. She deserved those three days, and that extra fourty-eight hours could make the world of difference, but this was one day. A third of the chance, a third of the success.

She might not ever open her eyes. He might not ever hear her singing, badly, mind you, in the shower. He might never lie in bed, watching her sleeping, noisily, not that she knew. He could never go downstairs, seeing her shuffling around tiredly at five am in the morning, cramming the leftover grilled cheese from the night before into her face with such disorientation that it could easily have been rat poison and she might not have known the difference. She'd never be there to keep him in line with her bossy attitude, or scold Izzie for being too bright and social in the mornings when all she wanted to do was go back to bed, and wait for night to fall once more.

Had she had a feeling that morning? Had she a feeling that she was going to die today? He'd heard of patients explaining that they'd somehow known that something bad was going to happen. Was this the case for Meredith? Was there any clue in her mind that something was going to go wrong before it happened? Maybe it had passed her mind, just for a second, and she had shrugged it off, ignored it, or forced it into the back of her mind.

Maybe's clouded his mind, and he couldn't shake them off. They were too strong. He might not ever see her again. The crashing a few hours ago had finally sunk into him. She could really die, and it would be all his fault.

"It's not your fault."

Derek and Izzie both looked up to see George standing beside them, his arm still connected to his IV dripped that he pulled along beside him. Izzie told George that he should be in bed, but Derek said nothing, nor did he listen to George telling them that was being discharged in the morning anyway. Clearly he'd heard about Meredith crashing as well, thought Derek, even though he didn't know that Izzie had unknowingly told George at the same time she had Miranda.

Derek knew that, if Miranda knew that George was here, he was as good as dead, but still, had it been Derek lying concussed in another ward whilst Meredith was on the edge of life, he would have been there sooner. He would have been there immediately - no, sooner than that - had he known straight away. He'd have been there at her side, even if he'd had a bullet hole in his chest.

"It's not your fault." George repeated to Derek, leaning against the guerney as he thought with dispair to the woman he loved like a sisster.

Derek hadn't realised that he had been talking aloud until then, as Izzie had said nothing to show that he had, but if even if he hadn't been mulling his thoughts over aloud, anyone could have walked past and seen that the man was clearly blaming himself for the fate of the woman he loved. After all, he loved her. He'd promised her that he'd never let anything bad happen to her, and only the next day, it had happened.

He was a failure.

He'd failed his wife, and now he was failing Meredith, only this had higher consequences than his marriage to Addison had. He'd only lost his wife and his best friend; losing Meredith was so much more than that. It would be like losin the other half of his sould, knowing that it couldn't fuction without the other half. Now, he was drowing again, but there was no coming up for air. She wasn't there to save him, because no one was there to save her.

He was lucky for her to have been revived when the code team had arrived, he knew that. They'd been ready to give up, as it had been so long, and whilst he knew that Meredith would be in pain when she woke up, because of the bruising his fists would have caused when he had tried to revive her before the code team had arrived, but surely, she wouldn't mine, because it had saved her life.

Sacrifice. It was all about sacrifice.

With Addison, he'd sacrificed a lot. He'd sacrificed his chance at being a faither, mainly, and that had caused him the most loss out of all of his sacrifices. His sisters all had so many children, and being the youngest child of his parents, he was no stranger to being around the babies and children of his sisters. He was always the first choice babysitter when he was a teenager, still living at home with his parents even though his sisters were already married and out of there, and, truth be told, he never said 'yes' to it for the money. He loved sitting on the floor, with colouring books and plastacine moulds, making models of monsters with the kids and giving them names. He loved taking their pictures home, putting them into a folder with the messages 'I love you' written in their childish handwriting. It meant more to him than any vow Addison had give him on his wedding day.

This was when it hit him, for the first time, that there was no family at Meredith's side. He knew that she considered her fellow interns as hef family, but didn't she have any cousins, nieces, nephews, from her fathers side? Were there any aunts or uncles that would have been shatteres to hear there was news of her injury?

What about her mother? Should they call Ellis Grey?

The illness her mother bore would depend this fact. If she was lucid, he was sure that Ellis would come charging in, demanded exceptional medical treatment for her only daughter, but what if she wasn't lucid? What if she was at a place in her mind where Meredith didn't exist yet? Not only would it distress Ellis to hear the news, but it would also distress Meredith to know that her mother seemed unaffected by her state.

Making his mind up, Derek stood from the guerney, attracting Izzie and George's attention.

"Where are you going?" Izzie asked him.

"To see Ellis Grey."


	7. Going To See Ellis

Chapter 7:

It wasn't until Derek left the hospital and drove to the nursing home that he realised how late it was, and how much sleep he was missing. True, as an intern, he had missed many nights sleep because of work, but it was the source of his romantic life colliding with his marriage which had been the cause of his recent insomnia. Last night, holding Meredith in his arms for the first time knowing that he wasn't on edge over Addison, had left him so desperate to savour the moment that he wasn't intending to sleep at all.

He went into the reception area, finding a middle-aged woman clearing away a few folders and shutting down the main computer before her. She looked up at him, and then at the clock above her with a confused look on her face.

"Excuse me, can I help you?" She asked him.

"I need to speak with Ellis Grey." He told her.

The nurse looked at him apologetically. "I'm sorry, the visiting hours were over a long time ago. You'll need to come back tomorrow morning between nine and-"

"It could be too late by then." Derek said, shaking his head. "I have to speak to her now."

"Are you a relative?" She asked him.

"No."

"Then I'm afraid--"

"Look," He interrupted. "I get that you have visiting hours, and that its pracitcally the middle of the night, but I just can't wait." He told her. "I need to speak to Ellis Grey now."

She shook her head. "I'm sorry, Mr---"

"Shephard." He told her. "Dr. Shephard."

At this her face lightened a little. "Did you work with Dr. Grey at the hospital?"

"No. I work with her daughter." He explained.

"Oh! You're a friend of Meredith's?" She said, a smile on her face.

"I'm her boyfriend." He told her in a rushed tone. "Meredith's the reason I'm here--"

"I'm sure if Dr. Grey needs to pass on a message for her mother, she can come back tomorrow and do it herself." The nurse assured him.

"I don't have time for this!" Derek said loudly, the nurse looking at him with a shocked expression at his outburst. "Meredith was in an accident this morning. Her car was hit on the freeway by a drunk driver and-"

"Oh, she was in that terrible accident?" The nurse asked, her hand coming to cover her mouth. "Oh, the poor dear, I saw it on the news-"

"She was in the car that was hit, on the side that it was hit, and she could be dying. Right now." At this, having said it himself for once, he choked on his words, tears forming in his eyes with a familiar burn. "You know, she might even be dead already, because the last time I saw her, she was being taken into surgery for the second time because her heart was failing. So, I really need to talk to Ellis Grey."

The nurse recovered from the news, shaking her head slowly. "I can understand your determination, Dr. Shephard, and any other time I'd let you, but you see, Dr. Grey isn't lucid at the moment."

"I don't care." He said. "I have to see her."

The nurse looked at the shell of the man before her ."I'll see what I can do." She said, before walking off.

Within minutes, she was back and Derek was still leaning against the counter, trying to compose himself.

"Dr. Shephard? You can see her now."

------------------

"Dr. Grey." Derek said as he entered the visiting room, where the great surgeon, Ellis Grey, was currently sitting in an arm chair in a nightdress and a robe.

"Who are you?" She asked abruptly. "What are you doing here in the middle of the night? I have a surgery first thing in the morning."

"I'm sorry to wake you, Dr. Grey." He said quietly, as he took the seat opposite her. "My name is Dr. Derek Shephard, I'm the head of neuro at Seattle Grace."

She looked at him suspiciously, shaking her head. "You're not head of neuro-

"I'm new." He explained quickly.

"That doesn't explain why you're here in the middle of the night." She pointed out to him. "My daughter is in bed upstairs. If you wake her up-"

"I'm her about your daughter." He explained, realising that already he had interrupted the famed doctor twice within a minute of meeting her that evening.

"What do you know about my daughter?" She asked suspiciously, but her voice was laced with accusation.

Derek took a deep breath. "Your daughter is badly hurt, Dr. Grey." He explained.

She shook her head. "You must have confused with someone else." She insisted. "My daughter-"

"Your daughter's name is Meredith Grey. She has dark blonde hair, blue-grey eyes, and loves the ferry boats."

His correct description of Meredith left Ellis looking at him even more confused. "What are you trying to do?" She asked him quietly.

"You're daughter isn't five years old anymore, Dr. Grey." He told her. "She's twenty-seven. She's just started her internship at Seattle Grace to be a surgeon."

Despite shaking her head, Derek could see the hurt that was in Ellis's eyes. "You're lying." She insisted.

"What year is it?" He asked her.

"It's 1985." She replied instantly.

He shoook his head softly. "No, it's 2007." He told her, watching a deep confusion set into her. "It's 2007, and Meredith isn't five anymore. She's a woman now. She's grown into a beautiful woman."

"How...how can it be 2007?" Ellis asked.

"You have Alzheimer's, Dr. Grey." He explained, realising for the first time what a mistake he could have made by doing this. Richard was going to kill him. "Early onset."

"Oh. How advanced?"

"Very." He said, repeating Meredith's words from a few weeks ago.

"Why are you here about Meredith?" She asked briskly.

"Meredith cares for you." Derek explained. "She's taken on all the responsibilities your condition has left her with. She sorts out the house, arranges for all your medical and social care, and comes to see you at every chance she has; and thats while she's working forty-eight hour shifts at the hospital. You're fighting your condition, Dr. Grey, but you're heavily reliant on your daughter...but now...she needs you. She needs her mother."

"Why?" Ellis asked him.

"This morning, there was an accident on the freeway. A drunk truck driver ploughed into the side of a car." He got choked up again at the image playing in his head. "Meredith's side of the car."

"How badly is she hurt?" Ellis asked, and for the first time, he found he could hear a concern in her voice. A large concern for her daughter.

"Very." Derek said in a strangled voice.

"Oh."

"She was taken in for surgery, and they gave her twenty-four hours, unless she came out of her coma, but she crashed. Her heart was failing, so they took her back in." Derek told her, not allowing the tears to fall. He hadn't cried yet, and he wasn't going to. He had to be strong, still.

"And how did that surgery go?"

"I don't know." He said helplessly. "She's not out yet."

"Why come here?" Ellis asked. "Why tell me this?"

"Because I know how important you are to her." He explained. "Regardless of whatever you think has grown between the two of you, Meredith is your daughter, and she loves you. You mean the world to her. She looks up to the incredible Ellis Grey in ways which the rest of the world can't. Because you're her mother, and she needs you more than anything...maybe even more than me." He added in a strangled sound.

"You're close to her?" She asked from his tone.

He nodded. "I love her. I love her very much."

"She deserved to know that." Ellis told him.

"She does know that." Derek assured her. "We're together."

Ellis looked away from the broken man before her for a moment, and then looked back at hime. "What are her chances, with the surgery?"

"I don't know." He said, realising how little he did know about her state. "She's very badly hurt. She might not make it through, and even if she does-"

"I'd...I'd like you leave." Ellis cut him off.

"Excuse me?" He asked, not sure she had really just said that.

"I'd like you to go. I need to be on my own."

"Dr. Grey-"

"Please, leave me alone." She told him, turning away from him to face the window.

----

Half an hour later, Derek arrived back in the corridor he had been in previously, taking up his seat between Izzie and George once again. Izzie looked at him expectantly.

"How did it go with Meredith's mom?" She asked. "Was she lucid?"

"It doesn't matter." He said, shaking his head. "She isn't coming."


	8. More Waiting

Chapter 8:

They remained in the hall long into the middle of the night. A few small words were uttered between them, but none that had any real meaning to them, other than asking the time, exchanging coffee orders, or simply saying out loud that everything would be okay. However, at just after 2am, they heard the familiar sound of the elevator at the end of the hall, and Meredith appeared on the same guerney she had disappeared on.

Derek jumped from where they were sat, the movement startling Izzie from the slumber she had fallen into against Alex's shoulder, after he had turned up. George was still there, despite nurses pleading with him to return to his bed, but he wouldn't leave. Cristina would have been there as well, they knew, but she had been called to scrub in on Meredith's surgery.

Cristina approached them, putting up a hand to stop Derek going any further down the corridor, knowing that he wanted to be with Meredith. He looked at her.

"Is she okay?"

"How was the surgery?" Izzie asked, coming to Derek's side along with the others.

"Is she okay?" Derek repeated.

"Her heart was put under some stress following the first operation, which wasn't picked up at the time, so it wasn't the crash this morning that caused her to crash." Cristina asked.

"So, she's going to be okay?" Derek checked.

Cristina, however, ignored his question. "Burke managed to steady her, and there's no reason why it should happen again-"

"Yang, is she going to be okay?" Derek demanded.

"-But she did crash again in the surgery."

"WHAT?" Derek asked loudly.

Cristina, however, unphased by his outburst, locked him with a glare. "I don't need to tell you what a delicate condition she's in, Dr. Shephard. Her body is very stressed, and it wants to give up."

He shook his head firmly. "Meredith wouldn't give up." He told her. "She's strong. She wouldn't give up."

"She was only gone for a second. She came back."

"She was gone?" Derek asked, his voice containing a hint of heartbreak.

Cristina looked at him strangely. "Yes, Dr. Shephard, that's what happens when a patient crashes."

"How can you talk about her like that?" Derek asked, a burn creeping into the back of his throat. "How can you talk about her like she's just a patient? You're her person, aren't you? You're supposed to-"

Forgetting that he was the one with the authority, Cristina shot right back at him. "I have to pretend that she's another patient!" She told him sharply. "If I don't, then I can't help save her life. I have to pretend that it's not her, because the minute I remember that it is her, I'm as useless to her as you are. I can't help her if I'm scared, so I have to talk about her like she's another patient. I'm doing that because I'm her person. She was there for me, and now it's my turn to be there for her. It's not something I'm used to doing, but I'm trying my best here, okay?"

After this, the other interns were left wondering who was more scary, worried Derek or angry Cristina.

"I'm sorry." Derek said quietly, forgetting that her friends probably felt as bad as he did.

Cristina, however, sighed, running her hands through her hair. "We're all stressed okay? Just forget about it."

Derek nodded. "But, is she going to be okay?" He asked, bringing his hands up over his mouth in a prayer position.

"We'll know when she wakes up." Cristina told him, and then left silently to go and get changed.

Derek approached Meredith's room, and in the doorway, met Burke, who was just leaving.

"Derek." He said in greeting.

"How is she?" He asked instantly.

"Dr. Yang told you about the surgery." He assumed correctly.

"She's going to wake up soon, right?" Derek asked. "I mean, the surgery went well, so she's going to wake up soon?"

Burke gave him a sympathetic gaze. "You have to understand that she's still been badly hurt, and that her body needs time to heal..."

"Please." Derek asked him in a desperate whisper. "Please, I just need you to tell me that she's going to be okay."

Burke sighed. "Worst case scenario, she'll be comatose for another few weeks." He explained.

"And best case?"

"You shouldn't get your hopes up, Derek. It'lll only be worse if-"

"What's the best case scenario?" Derek asked again.

Burke was silent for a moment, and then told Derek what he wanted to hear. "Best case, she'll wake up when the anaesthesia wears off in a couple of hours."

"And then what happens?"

"If the surgery went well, then she should make a full recovery."

"And if it didn't?" He asked, almost fearful of the answer.

"Then she won't be awake for very long."

-----------------------------

About an hour later, Derek had assumed his position at Meredith's side once again, and was joined by Richard. However, the Chief of Surgery stood in the doorway for a while, wondering how Derek would react to his presence, and when he didn't, he went to the seat opposite his neurosurgeon.

"I heard you went to see Ellis Grey." He said, waiting for Derek's reaction, and getting an ironic smile from the younger man.

"Nothing stays secret around here." He muttered.

"This isn't gossip, Derek. Dr. Stevens came to me, because she was worried you were going to do something stupid."

Like go and tell Ellis that she had Alzheimer's?

"Yeah, I went to the nursing home." He confirmed simply.

"Why?"

"Because she's Meredith's mother!" Derek pointed out. "Whether she remembers that or not, it's the truth!"

Richard fixed Derek with a stern gaze. "She always remembers. She never has a day where she doesn't remember Meredith. The furthest back she goes is when Meredith is five years old, just before her father left."

Derek nodded. "That's where she was when I arrived." He confirmed. "She was lucid when I left."

"You told her about Meredith?" Richard realised.

"Yeah, I told her." He confirmed, preparing himself for the lecture he was about to get.

"Even though you know how traumatising that could have been for an Alzheimer's patient to hear?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because she deserves to know." Derek said, finally lifting his eyes from Meredith's unmoving face to look at Richard. "She had lucid days where Meredith goes to see her. What happens when Meredith doesn't turn up, and the nurses have to tell her that she's in a coma? What happens if she realises that her daughter could be dying, and that no one bothered to tell her? Alzheimer's or not, she's Meredith's mother, and she should have been the first person to know that she was hurt."

"I was going to go and see her tomorrow." Richard told him calmly.

Derek shook his head. "There might not be a tomorrow, Richard. You said that yourself."

Richard nodded silently. "What did Ellis say?"

"She asked me to leave." Derek revealed. "She asked me how she was doing, and when I told her that she was still in her second surgery, she asked me to leave."

Richard continued to watch him as Derek rubbed his hand over his forehead, debating whether to tell Meredith about her mother rejecting her. "You should understand how hard this is for her." He said softly.

"You should understand how hard this is for me." Derek replied, looking up with stained eyes. "I can't deal with this, Richard. If she...if she dies...I don't know what I'll do. I can't lose her, not when I've just found her again. But despite this, everyone has decided that they'll keep reminding me that I could still lose her." Derek said.

"We understand, Derek."

"Do you?" He asked helplessly.

Richard nodded. "I understand that you have feelings for Meredith Grey that none of us can match. You love her in a passionate way, but we love her as well. Her fellow interns, her friends, love her as their dearest friend, and I love her as the daughter I never had. I was the first person Ellis told that she was pregnant, right before she started her fellowship, so I've known Meredith from the moment Ellis started to show. I was the first visitor at the hospital, after her father. I was the one who rocked her to sleep when Ellis and Thatcher were out. I watched her grow from a baby, to a beautiful girl, and then into the woman that she had become today. I understand how hard this is for you. So don't think that this is any easier for me than it is on Ellis just because I remember that, and she doesn't."

Derek was silent for a moment, taking in all that the Chief had told him, and then returned his gaze to Meredith's face once more. "What do we do?" He asked quietly. "We can we do for her?"

"We can't do anything." Richard told him, even though he knew that. "We just wait."

----------

"We should go in there." George said from the corridor they still sat in, outside Meredith's room.

"You should be in bed!" Cristina scolded him.

"I'm getting discharged in the morning." He pointed out.

"And it's not morning yet, so scram!" She said irritantly.

"I'm not leaving." He told her.

"If Bailey knows you're up here..."

"If Bailey knows who's up here?"

"Uh oh." George said, hearing The Nazi's voice from beside them.

She looked at George, blinking at him in disbelief. "O'Malley? O'Malley, tell me you're not up here."

"I'm uh...I'm not up here." He said awkwardly, like a deer caught in the headlights.

"What on Earth do you think you're doing up here?" She asked him.

"Meredith's up here-"

"Yes, Meredith is up here, in the same way that you are meant to be downstairs!" Bailey pointed out to him.

"But-"

"Oh, don't you 'but' me, boy, I am nowhere near done with you." She said, standing before him and looking down at him sternly. "Meredith Grey is an ICU patient. You are not. You're no an ICU patient, and until you've been discharged, you are not a doctor, so you're not qualified to be here outside of visiting hours!"

Then George made his next mistake. "But...Dr. Shephard gets to go in..."

"The Chief says that Shephard gets to stay in." Bailey told him.

"But he's only her boyfriend!" George argued, his next mistake. "We're her best friends."

"I couldn't care less if you were her sister, O'Malley. The Chief says who stays in, and who stays out until she's out of the woods."

"Why can I just wait here?" He asked in a whine.

"Get back downstairs, before I call the nurses." She warned him, pointing towards the elevator.

"But, Dr. Bailey-"

"NOW!"

George left, muttering under his breath about unfairness as he went. Next, Miranda turned to the remaining interns. "Now, what are the rest of y'all doing here?" She asked them.

"I'm on call." Alex said.

"I'm off duty." Izzie told her.

"I'm Meredith's doctor." Cristina reminded.

"Right. You can stay out here, but I want to see you all at rounds on time!" She told them, before leaving them alone outside the corridor and chasing George into the lift as she passed him, then stopping and going into Meredith's room.

"How is she doing?" She asked as she entered, seeing Richard and Derek sitting there in silence together now.

"She's stabilising." Richard told her, a hint of hope in his voice.

She nodded. "Think she'll wake up soon?"

"It's looking better odds than before." Richard confirmed.

Bailey nodded again. "Well, I'm off duty, so I'm heading home for a few hours before rounds." She told them.

"Okay, goodnight Miranda." Richard nodded to her.

"Goodnight Chief. Page me if anything changes?" She asked.

Richard nodded. "Of course."

She turned to leave, but was called back by Derek. "Miranda?" He asked, turning in his seat to face her.

"Yes, Dr. Shephard?" She asked him.

"Thank you." He told her. "Thank you for being in there with her. She would have appreciated that you were with her for the surgery."

She gave him a small smile. "She's more than welcome."


	9. A Little Faith

**_Hi everyone! Thank you so much for all of your reviews. I know a lot of the chapters so far have been the same old concerned Derek and people trying to prepare him, but this chapter is centred with Derek and Bailey, and she's gonna really give him something to think about that uses a whole different method. In fact, the character she introduces, I'm thinking of bringing into the story later on as well, so tell me if you like her! You'll know who she is! So, please, bear in mind with this chapter that this is set at the beginning of season 2, and that this story is a replacement from Into You Like a Train.  
Sammy  
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx_**

Chapter 9:

The next morning, the interns and Bailey were rounding, but as soon as they entered Meredith's room, after no change during the night, Bailey stopped.

"Hold up." She said. "Something's not right here."

"You mean, besides the fact that Meredith's in a coma?" Cristina told her sarcastically. Miranda turned and glared at her, and she looked down. "Sorry."

"Something's missing." She continued, taking in the sudden emptiness of the room. "And I know what it is. Stevens?"

"Yes, Dr. Bailey."

"Where the hell is Shephard?"

Izzie bit her lip. "Umm..."

Miranda gave her a warning stare. "Don't 'umm' me, Izzie Stevens. Where is he?"

Izzie looked at her apologetically. "He asked me not to tell anyone. I found him and he...he's not good at the moment. He doesn't want to be found."

Miranda rounded on her, staring her straight into the eye with the most intimidating look she could muster. "Izzie. Where. Is. Derek. Shephard?"

-------------------

Miranda had been directed to an oncall room, still on the forth floor. She'd heard him before she'd seen him. Outside the door, she could hear the muffled sobs that came from within, and when she opened the door, she wasn't at all surprised to see who they were coming from. In fact, he was so overwhelmed by his sobs that he didn't even notice someone was in the room until the door closed behind her, and he looked up.

It had been the first time he'd properly broken down since Meredith's accident, even if it had only been just under twenty-four hours ago, but still, he'd kept a lot bottled up in this time. His face was pale and pastey underneath his slight stubble. His usually perfectly kept hair was all over the place from where his fingers had been tightly gripping it through his cries. Tears were covering his cheeks, continuously replaced by the fresh ones which streamed from his red eyes.

"Alright, what's happening?" Miranda asked softly as she sat down beside him, turning slightly so that she was facing him.

He shook his head, stumbling over his words through the cries he was powerless to stop. "I can't-she's not-I just-"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa." She stopped him, her voice gentle. Calm down. I can't understand what you're saying." She told him.

He didn't calm down, however, and continued to stumble over the words he couldn't express. "She-she-she."

"Will you just stop and breathe for a second?" She asked him, watching as he forced himself to take deep, controlled breaths. "Good...much better." She told him, when he had appeared to calm down, even though he still had fresh tears running from his eyes. "Now, whats got you all like this?" She asked him.

"I can't do this." He told her weakly. "I can't do this."

"Do what?"

"I can't watch her...I can't be there to watch her die." He admitted. "I can't do it. I'm not-I can't-"

Before he started hyperventilating, she cut him off. "Who said you had to watch her die?" She asked.

He shook his head. "I've seen how they look at her. No one thinks that she's going to make it, Bailey, no one does." He revealed. "Not even her friends. They all think that she's going to die, and I can't watch that happen."

"No one wants her to die." She assured him.

"I can't lose her." He choked out in a sob.

"No one said you were going to."

"But-"

Miranda cut him off, putting her hand on his shoulder to calm him more. "They're trying to preapre you, but that doesn't mean that she's doing to die. Preparing yourself means knowing that there are extreme risks. We're all doctors, and she's had the best cardio surgeon in America working on her both of the surgeries yesterday, but that doesn't mean the risks go away. There risks are still there, and they always will be. But that doesn't mean that she's going to die. There risks are there, because this was a serious accident, but that girls is a fighter, and the way I see it, she thinks her train wreck of a life is worth fighting for."

Derek raised his head from his hands, shaking his head. "It wasn't a train wreck." He told her. "Not the night before."

Miranda gave him a smile. "Since when is her life not a train wreck when you're involved?"

Derek sighed. "I chose her. I chose her over Addison, and Addison's gone back home. We're getting divorced, so that Meredith and I can be together." He revealed.

Miranda smiled even more. "You really love this girl, don't you?"

"More than you could ever imagine." He nodded.

"Then what are you doing hiding in here?"

He shook his head, half-laughing ironically. "Because I'm not strong enough. I thought that I was, but I'm not."

"You don't have to fight for her this time." Miranda pointed out to him. "You've already done that, and you fought well. This time, you've just got to help her fight, and give her a reason that makes the fighting worth it."

Derek was forcing himself to take deep breaths again, desperately trying to calm down before he felt he embarrassed himself any further in front of Bailey.

She gave his shoulder a gentle squeeze. "You need to calm down. Come on." She said, getting to her feet."

"Where are we going?" He asked her, but she simply put her arm over his, and prompted him to his feet.

"Come on." She repeated, leading him out of the room.

-------------------

"You know how much trouble we'd get into for being up here?"

Miranda turned away from the glass, which they were staring through, and to Derek, who, despite being in a world of his own, still felt tied to responsibilities. "Do I look like I care?" She asked him with a smile.

He shook his head. "This isn't even our floor..." He pointed out.

"No, you're right." Miranda nodded, returning her gaze to the room full of babies that they were watching into. "This is your ex-wife's ex-floor."

"Then what are we doing up here?" He asked, never taking his eyes off all the innocent children he'd been brought to, apparently, watch.

Miranda turned away from the window and fully faced him. "Have you ever been to a funeral, and heard a baby start crying at the back of the room?" She asked him.

He nodded, remembering the sound of his cousin's newborn cries at his father's funeral. "Yes."

Miranda smiled. "There's nothing more comforting for a funeral than that." She told him. "Hearing the innocence and new life present at the disappearance of another."

"I never pegged you as the baby type." He said, sneaking a glance at her.

"I used to be." She said, leaning sideways and looking at the babies again. "Lord knows I still want to be, but I think that ship has sailed. Now, my Momma, there's the baby type." She said, smirking at the memory. "When I was a kid, she made her living looking after other people's kids as well. When I asked her about it, she said that even though I was handful enough for her, there was nothing better than watching a child's face light up with a smile, and knowing that you were there to make it happen." Bailey shook her head with a smile. "She was a mother, through and through, but when I was growing up, those other kids taught me that no matter how bad life can get, all you need is one of those little faces smiling at you to make it all better."

Derek, who had been watching Miranda's face as she spoke, realised what was going on, and frowned at her softly. "This is some kind of broody thing, isn't it?" He realised.

"Come on, I want you to meet someone." She told him.

They entered the room, and Derek realised he had never been in there other than for a consult. Immediately the nurse looked up from a baby she was tending to, and up to the pair of them.

"Good morning, Dr. Bailey." She said brightly.

"Good morning, Susan." Miranda replied. "Can I borrow our orphan for a moment?" She asked.

"Sure." She smiled.

"Thank you." Miranda called after her as she moved across the room.

Derek looked at Miranda. "The orphan?" He questioned.

"She hasn't been named yet." Miranda told him. "Her mother came in about a week ago, and then just disappeared. She never gave a name for herself or the baby. She never even held her own baby. She was a young girl. Nineteen. Just got scared and ran." She explained.

"No father?" Derek asked.

"That was the one thing we did find out. She didn't know who the father was." Susan brought the week old baby over, and handed her to Miranda. "Here we go." She smiled at the baby. "Ain't she beautiful?"

"Yeah...she is..." Derek said softly.

"Here, hold her." She offered.

"Uh, no, you're okay with her." He told her, taking a step backwards.

She glared at him. "Shephard, stop being anal and take the baby." She told him, handing the baby over before he could protest.

Instantly, he adjusted to the weight in his arms, or rather, the lack of it. Despite his inner pain, he found that he was smiling to himself. "I haven't held a baby this small for about five years." He said, and, when he met Miranda's curious expression, added; "My sister's youngest."

Miranda nodded. "You forget how small they are." She agreed. "I've been coming down here whenever I can, just so see to it that she gets a bit of attention from someone who's not taking her temperature."

"So, what did you bring me down here for?" Derek asked.

Miranda leaned over the baby, running a finger down her cheek. "This little girl doesn't have a mother, or a father. She doesn't have any family or friends. She doesn't even have a name. She's all alone, and she's got no one to fight for her. Now, Meredith Grey is different. She's got a mother and a father. She's got her friends all around her, and the love of a good man. She's not alone, and she's got everyone fighting for her. And just because a few of those fighers are losing their hope, that doesn't mean that she's going to decide not to wake up."

"Miranda-"

"You're only one man, Derek. You can only do so much for her." She told him, reading his mind.

"I should have been there." He shook his head.

"You know as well as I do that it wasn't possible." She reminded him. "Besides, that girl would have kicked your butt if you thought you were going to follow her around every second of the day." Derek let out a small breath that could be mistaken for a laugh, realising that Miranda was right. "Now, she's going to wake up. I have faith in that, and if faith is the only thing that I have to hold on to, then I'm going to hold on damn tight to it. But you've got to believe that as well."

"I want to believe so much." He said quietly.

"Then what's stopping you?"

"I...I don't know." He realised.

"This baby is fighting for herself, don't let that happen to Meredith."

"I won't." He said firmly, sure of that alone.

There was a short silence, and Derek kept his gaze on the baby, who was now awake, and looking blindly around her. He reached out a finger, and she grasped it in her tiny hand.

"What's going to happen to her?" He murmered.

"We'll keep hold of her until we track down her mother, find out what she wants to do." Miranda told him.

"What if we can't find her?"

"Then she'll have to go to the children's home. There's no other place for her." Miranda said.

Derek sighed. "It shouldn't have to come to that." He shook his head.

"I know, but it probably will." Miranda sighed. "This happens quite often now."

"But-"

"She can't stay here forever." Miranda pointed out.

"But, she'll be alone." He protested.

"Not necessarily." She told him. "A baby this beautiful will probably be place with a new family within a few months."

However, Derek didn't seem to hear this, and softly repeated: "She shouldn't have to be alone."

"Neither should you." Miranda told him, and he looked up at her, frowing softly. "It wouldn't kill you to talk to someone once in a while."

"No...No, I guess it wouldn't." He nodded.

Miranda gave him a smile. "Now, you go get yourself some coffee, sort yourself out a bit, and then go and find your own faith to hold on to."

His eyes shone for a moment, as if from a brainwave. "Faith." He repeated.

"Yes." She told him. "You, my good man, are in desperate need of some."

"No. Faith." He told her. "That's what her name should be."

Miranda gave him the look that told him he was getting too involved. "If we find her mother, she'll name her." She told him.

"And if we don't, then at least she'll have a name." He counteracted.

Miranda looked at him curiously. "Why Faith?"

"Because it's what I need to hold on to." He told her. "And she's the only thing I'm literally holding on to at the moment. And at least then, when she gets older, if she does happen to be alone, she's always going to have faith inside of her."

Miranda shook her head at him. "You're so damn soppy, Shephard. But I like it." She told him.

"She should have a middle name too." He decided. "Grace."

This time, Miranda laughed. "Do I need to ask why?"

"Well, this is Seattle Grace." He said, with the strongest smile he could manage.


	10. Lucid

Chapter Ten:

Derek took no more than a few minutes to freshen himself up in one of the locker room bathrooms on his way back to Meredith's room. His conversation with Bailey and the cuddle from little Faith had done wonders for his own hope, and he made a mental note to thank her properly when everything had blown over and Meredith had woken up. Perhaps he'd buy her a drink at Joe's.

"Much better." Miranda announced when he entered Meredith's room.

"How is she?" Derek nodded, glad that there was a noticable difference in himself to Bailey, who would drag him out of the room kicking and screaming if she had to, to get him to look and feel better, but he was concerned about a change in Meredith as well.

Miranda gave him a reassuring smile. "She's doing absolutely fine."

Derek let out a sigh of relief, and cast his eyes over towards the blonde in the bed, his heart hammering as he found her still form. He swallowed the fearful lump that had been choking him previously. "You think she might...wake up soon?" He asked hesitantly.

"It's a very strong possibility." Burke told him from where he stood at Meredith's bedside, making notes. It should have been an intern's job, but they all knew that Burke held a fondness for his interns just as Miranda did. "The surgery went better than we first anticipated."

"Thank God." Derek breathed out.

"The Chief was up here looking for you." Burke added. "He wants to see you in his office."

"Now?" Derek asked, wanting to stay at Meredith's side.

"Yes."

"But-"

"Dr. Shephard, am I going to have to drag you up there?" Miranda asked.

He held up his hands in defence. "Okay, I'm going."

----

Derek knocked on the door, leaning his head through the open doorway and finding that Richard Webber didn't appear to be busy in any way at the moment, which was rare. "Sir?"

"Derek, come in." Richard said, gesturing to the empty chair before his desk, before folding his arms over his chest.

Derek took the chair, and winced at his expression. "I'm in trouble, aren't I?" He realised.

"I just had Ellis Grey's nurse on the phone." Richard revealed.

"Yeah, I'm in trouble." Derek said, more to himself.

Richard looked at him sternly. "I spoke to you last night about the magnitute of the effect you could have had on Ellis by telling her about Meredith's condition."

"She deserved-"

"I know." Richard said, stopping him mid-sentence. "We don't need to go through this again."

Derek nodded. "What did her nurse say?" He asked.

Richard was silent for a moment, before dropping his voice to a low tone, his expression unreadable. "For the first time in years, Ellis has gone more than a few hours being lucid."

"Really?"

"They're going to bring her up to see Meredith whilst this is the case." Richard continued. "Before it's over."

"But, she didn't want to-" Derek reasoned, remembering his disasterous encounter with Ellis Grey.

"You have to understand, Derek, that Ellis is a surgeon like us." Richard explained. "She knows that there are certain realities when it comes to dangerous procedures like the one that Meredith had. She knows what it could mean for one of us to go into surgery and not know the outcome. It's hard for a surgeon not to have that control or knowledge, and it's so much harder for her because it's her daughter that was taken into the OR, and their rocky relationship isn't going to change that." Richard said. He was silent for a moment, and then looked towards the door. "That's all, you can go back to Meredith now, but I suggest that you aren't there for Ellis's visit."

----

On his way back up to Meredith's room, Derek encountered a familiar man down the end of the corridor. "George." He greeted, with a smile.

"Dr. Shephard?" George questioned, not sure whether or not this was really Derek with a smile on his face before him.

"I heard you've been discharged." He remembered.

"Yeah, this morning." George nodded.

Derek frowned a little. "A bit early for you to be back at work, isn't it?"

"I'm not here to work." George shook his head. "I, uh...I came to see Meredith before I went home." He said quietly as the pair headed into an empty elevator together. "It's visiting hours."

"Oh, right." Derek nodded, pressing the button for the Intensive Care floor.

"If you don't mind, that is." George added quickly.

Derek smiled at him. "Of course not."

George nodded. "I wanted to go tell her that...that I was sorry."

Derek turned to him, his smile fading back into his cheeks. "George..."

George shook his head and continued on sadly. "She was so excited about going to the resturant with you, and I must have taken my eyes off the road, just for a second. I didn't even see him coming." He said quietly. "I have to apologize."

Derek, however, shook his head. "Don't apologize."

"I have to." He insisted.

"No. Don't." Derek repeated. "She wouldn't want you to-"

"But-"

"She's going to wake up, soon maybe, and if she knows that you've been apologizing to her, she'll hunt you down before you realise it." Derek pointed out.

George laughed sadly. "Yeah, you're probably right." Then he rememebered something from earlier. "What were you doing on the baby wing this morning?" He asked.

Derek immediately covered it up. "Dr. Bailey wanted me to do a consult."

George smiled. "Did she do the broody thing?" He asked. "Where she shows you the babies, and makes your problems seem so much smaller?"

Derek frowned. "Yeah, how did you-"

"She does it a lot. The broody thing." George revealed. "Me and Mer used to go up there when we first started, and things got too much for us. We'd go up there, and remind ourselves why we chose to be doctors. It helps."

"Yeah, it does." Derek agreed.

"Did you meet the orphan?" George asked.

"Faith." Derek corrected him. "Her name's Faith now."

George suddenly looked excited. "Oh, her Mom came back and named her?"

He shook his head. "No, Dr. Bailey and I named her, just in case her mother doesn't come back."

"Oh, right." George said, his excitement fading. "That's a nice name."

He nodded, and then realised what George had told him. "So, did Meredith do the broody thing?" He asked.

George looked at him. "You realise that she'd kill me for telling you something like that, right?"

"Is that a yes?" Derek asked.

George was silent, and then turned back to face the closed doors of the elevator. "It's a perhaps. A maybe."

Derek nodded. "Interesting." He said simply.

"Where you going to ask her something at Labretta's?" George asked suddenly, when silence settled among them again.

"What? He asked, caught off guard.

"Labretta's." George repeated. "People only get taken there when they get proposed to and stuff."

"So I heard."

"Were you going to ask her something there?"

Derek smiled, remembering his decision. "Yeah, I was." He nodded slowly. "I was going to ask her to marry me."

George cringed. "Oh, sorry." He admitted. "I might have ruined your suprise."

"That's okay." Derek smiled sadly. "It looks like that night might have to wait a while anyway."

George nodded, and then said three words that gave Derek the full extent of his faith back. "She'll say yes."

"You think so?"

He nodded again. "I asked her in the car, right before it happened. She was going to answer when we got hit, but right before, the last time I looked at her, she was smiling. The special smile. The McDreamy smile. The one she only gets when you're around."

Derek sighed lightly. "Wow."

"Yeah, but if you're gonna break her heart again, I an't let her marry you." George insisted.

Derek observed the man beside him, standing up to his boss to protect one of his best friends. "You're a good guy, George." Derek told him. "You mean a lot to Meredith and Izzie. You're good to them."

"Thanks." He nodded.

Derek smirked. "I bet you're not too happy about Izzie and Karev."

George glared at the doors ahead of him. "There is no Izzie and Alex. They don't exist as a couple. They never will." He insisted, a mantra he had been trying to repeat as much as possible to try and make the possibility disappear. So far, it hadn't been working.

"Are you sure?" Derek checked. "They've been having some looks between them."

"You can't base a relationship on looks." George insisted.

Derek grinned. "Trust me, you can."

The elevator doors pinged open to the Intensive Care ward, and Derek and George stepped out. "Well, I better get in there before Bailey finds me and kills me." George said.

"Okay." Derek said.

"Are you coming too?"

"No, I've give you some time alone with her." Derek said polietly. "I need to get some coffee, anyway."

George looked at him curiously. "Bailey really did a number on you." He observed.

Derek nodded. "That's one way of putting it."


End file.
